Epic Default Productions

After I reviewed Marble Madness, I decided to tackle a longer and more complex game than I had in previous reviews.  I believe I have accomplished that goal.

I’ve got your legacy right here!

This week’s dive into the mind of a classic gamer brought to you by:

Rolling Onwards (don’t you groan at me!)

I heard a quote on NPR the other morning that got my brain working overtime.  Guillermo del Toro, director of many great movies, said “In the next 10 years, there will be an earthshaking Citizen Kane of games.”  Although I have not made a determination on whether his statement is correct, in either the sheer elegance or time-frame of said game, I did wonder, “What video game(s) out today would come close (or maybe even meet) the criteria of Citizen Kane?”

Something catchy about Rosebud to make you giggle

On a quest to uncover the classics, I have dived into another NES-tastic game.

No case too big, no case to small

I have gone on a classic binge recently, and have decided to write about my misadventures in retro gaming.  First on the list:

Duh, duh, duh, dum *snap, snap*

Want a cheap game that is super fun to play?  Of course you do.  That’s why you’re going to keep reading this article as I laud the joys of a game called Ikaruga.  Now why would I suddenly bring up a game from the sixth generation of systems?  Currently you can pick up this fantastic game on Xbox Live Arcade and play with your friend across the world and, as an added benefit, this week only it will set you back a mere $5.

Pew, Pew Pew!

This is sort of a hypothesis that I came up with spontaneously, but don’t worry, it’s got some nerd implications to it as well that you might find intriguing. I figured all in all this might be an interesting forum to discuss this topic. How about I throw out the argument with a few examples and we can discuss it on the forums?

(–Totally Selling Out The Forums–)

I’d like to introduce you all to Blake Peebles (isn’t he cute?) “Why is he holding so many fake guitars?” you ask. Well, simply put, he’s living the gamer’s dream.

Young Blake (16), has managed to convince his parents to let him drop out of high school, in order to pursue a career in Guitar Hero. Stop laughing, I’m serious. He made his parents think this was a good career move. Playing video games for a living, without having a degree in some computer related field.

Okay, so I have to be fair before I begin the shredding, his parents are not complete idiots. They at least have hired in-home tutors to educate him while he plays.

Okay, done being fair. What the hell are these people thinking?! Those of you who know me, or saw my post on Mr. Thompson, know that I’m all for kids playing video games, as long as the parents are involved somehow to show them what’s right and wrong. But it’s pointless when you don’t know what’s wrong yourself.

I challenge you, right now, to name someone who is famous/rich because of playing videogames. Fatality doesn’t count (I’ll be damned if I use a 1 in that name) because he didn’t get “famous” due to gaming; he got there through sponsors. Not to mention the fact that his “fame” is arguable at best.

The point being is that you can’t. Why? It’s videogames, it’s a toy. Go ahead and trebuchet cows in my general direction, but it won’t change the fact that I’m right, and you’re too insecure to admit it. Videogames have and always will be toys. Some of them will be thought provoking, artful toys, but they will still be toys.

Yes, toys are the basis for today’s professional sports, but you have to be a cut above everyone else to play them at a professional level. That’s why we watch, we see people who have devoted their lives to proper diet, workout regimens, and general hard work to be the best they can be. Here’s another quiz, name a bowler in today’s market. It’s a little easier then name a professional gamer, but it’s still hard for people who even have a casual interest in the game. Why? Because you don’t have to be a practical Adonis to play it. You could weigh 400 pounds, have a cigarette hanging out of your mouth, and a white Russian in your non-throwing hand, and as long as you can knock all the pins down, you can play with the best of them.

Video games are the same way. Quickly now, visualize a gamer, that isn’t someone you know. Do you see a strong mysterious type of a person, or the comic book guy from the Simpson’s? 90 percent chance, it’s the latter. Yes, not all gamers are like that, but that’s what society as a whole is conditioned to think. That, or the frail, pocket protector-wearing visage from Revenge of the Nerds. And, as far as society as a whole is concerned, no one wants to sit and watch that. They’d be bored.

There are two quotes in the article from The News Observer in Raleigh, N.C. (why am I not surprised) that really got me. They are describing a typical; lets call it, Friday (just throwing a day out there) night in Blake’s life, where he’s at a restaurant that has a Guitar Hero night. We’ve all seen them, we know what that entails. He had just finished playing “Through the Fire and The Flames” (that song still haunts me to this day), and a random patron was the restaurant was heard to say, “He’s talented.”

Look, I love all of the Harmonix games (screw you Activision). I love to play them. I love the fact that within my circle of friends, I can pretty much destroy them with any song. I love the fact that I can hold my own with some of the greats of the genre (Tipper Queen and the like), but that’s not talent. It’s a skill, I’ll give all of them that much, and it’s a skill that they have honed to great proportions, but it is not a friggin talent.

Talent is being able to use skills that you have to create, not to copy. That’s all these games are, they simulate what’s it’s like to play guitar. I’m a firm believer that because you can get perfect on “Paranoid” doesn’t mean that you’re the next Ozzy. It’s a gateway, to those that are interested, into discovering that you may be able to play, which can lead to the talent of creating music on your own. But no one has ever gotten famous by playing covers. Richard Cheese, Me First and the Gimme Gimme’s, and Reel Big Fish did, but, they were not copying the songs out right, they used their talent to change the songs they played in a way to basically create new versions.

As a matter of fact, I’m only comfortable saying that these guys have talent when it comes to Rhythm Games.

To say that these types of games are a talent is a travesty towards all musicians that have risked their entire well being, in order to get where they are at right now. If saying that playing Guitar Hero well means that you have talent, it completely undermines the likes of Jimmy Paige, Eric Clapton, Stevie Ray Vaughn, and the like. They slaved for years in order to get to the point where you can pretend that you are playing their songs. For the love of all things decent, you are not talented.

Back to what this article was originally going to be about, the parents. When Blake went to his parents, Mike and Hunter, to try and convince them to let him leave school, they didn’t agree, at first. But, like typical teenagers, he kept nagging, and prodding, and asking, and probably throwing a couple of good emo hissyfits in there as well until Hunter finally said, “We couldn’t take the complaining anymore…He always told me that he thought school was a waste of time.”

There needs to be a law that allows us to slap the silly out of people. This is as bad as sitting your child down in front of the TV with Grand Theft Auto, or Manhunt, or any one of the many violent games, and then going to take a nap. It’s horrible parenting. Hunter, he’s your kid! That’s what they do; you don’t just fold like a wet napkin just to satisfy him. You have to be tough and strong when something is right, even if they won’t necessarily like it. Why? He asks for the third time. Because that’s what life is!

It’s not a namby pamby skip through the fields, getting everything you want handed to you. It takes work, it takes ambition, and it takes some damn balls. In that instant all you showed Blake was that he could get anything he wanted if he just complained enough.

I hope you’re happy when in 10 years all he’s made is maybe a little over 25 grand total in his “career,” and he’s still living in your basement, playing Rock Band 12: Electronica Edition.

Listen, to each his own, all right. I have no problems if this is what he wants to do. More power to him, hell, I skipped college to focus on bettering my musical abilities and it was fun. But I’m also in a horrendous amount of debt, and living on a very slim amount of money a week. If I could go back, I’d actually get a degree, and then go to focusing on my music.

I learned the hard way, but I learned on my own. You’re setting him up for the most epic fail of his life. All because of a toy. Jesus, hearing about this actually makes me miss Mr. Thompson.

Just as a site note, Episode 2 of Fanboys should be coming within the next couple of weeks. And keep tuned in all next week as we celebrate our trip to PAX and cover it from a gamer’s perspective. Be on the look out for DJ to make his weekly rant debut next friday as well.