Happy April Fools Day everybody! (First person who says that I’m late with that, dies!)
So in planning the layout of this feature, I completely neglected to look ahead and see what specific days fell on a Thursday. So this weeks installment will be full of pieces that are completely untrue. However, you might have missed some of these items that day, so really, it works out in the end!
Note to self: set up wave with staff in order to compile weekly news pieces
Man tries to steal Breach code at PAX East
Some idiot decided it would be a smart idea to steal the code of a demo from the Breach booth at the recent PAX East. He was apprehended, posted bail, and missed his court appearance because he was too busy playing Modern Warfare 2
JonnyNero: Obviously has no clue of Wheaton’s Law
Oz K. Fodrotski: This almost seems like an elaborate PR stunt. Almost.
ClickPicTony: Lord knows they need the PR.
JakePrime: …and I would have gotten away with it too, had it not been for those meddling kids and their stupid juicer!
Twinkie: Carbonite would be a fitting punishment, if it didn’t read as more of a reward to our crowd.
Cuzza: This guy also asked the head of Xbox Live Policy Enforcement for his banned Xbox Live account back while admitting to pirating a Microsoft Games Studio game. Ladies and Gentlemen, this guy has brass nuts the size of basketballs.
Oz K. Fodrotski…again: This *would* explain his inability to flee the scene in time…
Happy April Fools Day
The annual tradition of websites trying to fuck with you
JN: Google actually got me with their “Topeka” name change, then I remembered what day it was.
OKF: Koticku was among my favorites.
CPT: I actually laughed hardest at Gmail taking out all it’s vowels / the google translations for animals on the google.co.uk. I also like the command prompt style window for XKCD
JP: XKCD was pretty good. NPR had one of the best though. They always know how to fool you.
T: I fell in love with the Woot! Your Own Adventure. I ended up defending my package from an alien race and, in my attempt to engage the auto-pilot on their ship, trapped myself in an office with no exits and a 2MB mp3 player that just died. STORY OF MY LIFE.
C: I loved the Australian directions on Google Maps. It’s like getting directions from Crocodile Dundee.
Pokemon Kart for the Wii
Nintendo released a trailer that teases a Pokemon Cart racer game in the near future.
JN: And now…Pokemon has officially jumped the shark
OKF: I prefer the Halo film trailer
CPT: Is it bad that I immediately started running logistics for this game when I saw this?
JP: Currently playing though Soul Silver right now, can’t talk. Gotta catch ‘em all…….
T: … I don’t understand why this hasn’t happened.
C: Nintendo milks a franchise for all it is worth. News at 11.
Ronald Reagan wanted a Supercollider larger than the LHC
With the LHC finally online and working, details were uncovered about plans for a larger Collider in Waxahachie, TX.
JN: Only the US would spend 2 billion dollars to get nothing
OKF: So much for the doomsayers.
CPT: Actually it isn’t running at full power. It won’t do that until… 2012… Oh crap!
JP: I’m telling you, we will find the “god particle” and it will call itself “Ed.”
C: REAGAN SMASH ATOMS!
Man from future arrested at LHC
A man claiming to be from the future was arrested this week at the LHC facility. His reason for being there, to stop the LHC from activating because it would destroy the world.
JN: Yes, this is an April Fools joke…but it’s so damn good, I couldn’t pass up including it this week
OKF: If it ended the world, then HOW DID HE GET BACK THERE? TIME PARADOX!
CPT: I liked the Back to the Future reference.
JP: “Albert, ALBERT, it’s your brother Steve! Steve Einstein! You know that super complex concept about the workings of the universe you are working on? Listen to this!”
T: Once we reach the Nexus, we won’t care about the world! MUahahaha!
C: If he’s really from the future, what are next weeks lottery numbers? Just curious.
The iCade
Possibly another April Fools Prank from the folks at ThinkGeek, but if not, this is possibly the only reason to have an iPad
OKF: Just like every year, I chuckled at the fake game release, then clicked on it over and over.
CPT: Aren’t they great? I think that should actually be made though. I think people would actually buy it.
JP: Every year they end up making one of the products. It’s gonna be the “My First Bacon” that will get made, I can almost guarantee it.
T: ThinkGeek’s always the cruelest. Damn them and their realistically lucrative ideas.
C: Yet another April Fools joke to become reality in the future. It will go nicely with my 8-bit tie!
Spirit is asleep
The Spirit Mars Rover has run low on poswer and gone into hibernation mode
JN: And suddenly, XKCD looks more and more credible
OKF: Robots don’t have feelings. Yet.
CPT: Is it just me or does it look suprisingly like WallE’s cousin?
JP: In this economy my spirit is down and out too.
T: EeeEva! EeevAAaa. 
C: The question is, will it dream of electric sheep?
Australian Communications minister wants to censor the internet
Citing that the internet, “is not special,” Stephen Conroy, the communications minister of Australia, wants to censor the internet
JN: Hey Cuzza, I’m moving to Seattle right after PAX…want to go in on a place with me?
OKF: The Internet is extremely unimportant, like all Nobel nominees.
CPT: Hey as long as they don’t @#$#ing consor our !#$^ing site with their @#$%ing #$#@$#@#, then I don’t have a @$#@ing problem what those crazy @!#$#$ @#$$%$@# @#$#@$# #@$#@$#@ do.
JP: Obviously Mr. Conroy has seen 4chan.
T: Must be their new Cybersecurity Act. I hear that’s going around…
C: Funny thing, this guy admires Google’s work with web censorship in China.. oh wait they ABANDONED THAT BECAUSE IT DID NOT WORK. You go girl.
Fuck You Joystiq!!!!!
To keep with the April Fools day theme, Joystiq “accidentally” released a “screenshot” from what could possibly be “Half Life 3”
JN: And this is why I both love and hate April Fools Day
OKF: Guess we have to wait until the 13th to know if I have to go on a killing rampage.
CPT: I think seeing Jonny going into such torture is totally worth it.
JP: ClickPicTony, I’ll get the popcorn, you get the drinks!
T: Are we going to be battling Lord Voldemort? My grav-gun better be as magical as a gay unicorn on shrooms.
C: But what am I going to do with this hard-on while we wait for confirmation? It’s starting to hurt!
Cliff Blezawhatsits to reveal next game on Jimmy Fallon
Always one to make a statement, the game director formerly known as Cliffy B will announce his next game on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
JN: Go Jimmy! Fuck Cliff!
OKF: I don’t know if they can do what Jonny suggests on national TV, but then again, in the case of Jimmy Fallon, who’s watching?
CPT: Don’t worry Oz, they will. And that no talent hack will just be laughing and saying “Isn’t this so funny?” the entire time. Fracking douchbag.
JP: Insert insults against late night hosts here.
T: Hahah, oh if Jimmy Fallon had a show… This one really had me.
C: Will Jimmy be breaking out the red jumpsuits for the awkward hands-on demonstration? That would be awesome.
If you have any witty comments, or saw a storyu you want seen on here, let us know in the comment section below
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April 6th, 2010 on 12:01 pm
Hey! Look at you guys getting all posty again! I’ll have to catch up!
I was 100% fooled by the Think Geek newsletter. I got all the way to “Unicorn Meat” and thought, man that’s a weird thing to sell people. Then I looked up at my calendar and banged my head against my desk a few times.
PS: Mr. T would win.