Epic Default Productions

Epic News for 3-13-10

by Jonny Nero on Mar.12, 2010, under Epic News

It’s amazing what happens when you “leave a website.”  Ideas start flowing left and right.  Epic News is going to be a weekly segment in which we review ten news stories from the previous week in the world of geeky culture,  and then provide you with our own peanut gallery comments.  So, if you’re brave enough, click on the jump to see what’s in store for you.

Cloud gaming is going to finally be upon us on June 17th, a year and a few months after it was unveiled at last years GDC.  Priced at $14.95 in the states, we can finally make it look like we have a computer that can run Crysis.
  • JonnyNero: Please note: Ability to run Crysis may not be included with the service.
  • Snifit: Sweet god, it’s out before Duke Nukem forever? IT’S A SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE!
  • JakePrime: Here’s a big-ol’ heapin pile of “meh.”
  • Oz K. Fodrotski: $50 for a bit of software you don’t even install might be pushing it in my book.
  • HotSake: $15 a month buys you access to the service, demos, and trailers. You still have to “buy” or rent the games separately. What do you think, Morbo? LATENCY DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY. Haha, delightful.
  • Twinkie: I’ve never heard anyone highlight “massive spectating” as a key service component. Unless they mean I can watch someone watch someone else watch someone else play the game! ‘Cause you know, that’s… exhilarating.
  • Thanda: Watch for their auto-discontinuation service: onDeath.

Sony unveiled it’s motion controller at GDC, this time actually planning on it.  They have titled the controller as the Sony Move.  According to Sony, 36 developers have signed on to produce games utilizing the controller over the next year.
  • JN: Personally, looking at it, if it has vibration…I think we know where a good number of these conrollers are going to end up…
  • S: Playstation 3 Move: Wii for Grown-Ups
  • JP: I guess we didn’t get all of the dirty jokes out of our systems when the Wii came out.
  • OKF: Now if Rez HD comes out on PSN, we can let things get properly filthy.
  • HS: The name sounds like a command to get out of the house, which is exactly what Sony doesn’t want you to do.
  • Tw: Hitachi should go after Sony for patent use, though I will say it’s a step up from a six-foot power cord.
  • Cuzza: Are these the same 20 stick waggling games that came out in the first year for the Wii too? Yay?
  • Th: “Revolution” was already taken…

Yes you read that right, and it’s true…sort of.  At the EA Sports opener at GDC, EA showed off the data mining protocols that they use to apparently make Madden and NCAA better everytime you play them.  They way they showed this protocol off?  By embarrassing one of the all time great Quarterbacks in the NFL.
  • JN: I probably threw about 6 million of those.
  • S: It’s only a matter of time before he retires from EA, sits around for awhile, and then joins Activision.
  • JP: Leave it to EA to kick an all-time great out of the Hall of Fame before he even gets there.
  • OKF: Now if only we could get a count of the number of bullets spent in a given game of TF2.
  • HS: The way he plays to pad his stats, you could say Brett Favre was the original achievement whore.
  • C: I bet this presentation was made by a Packers fan who works for EA. Especially with the next slide showing Aaron Rodgers having no intercepts.
  • Th: The data mining unfortunately does not include the number of times the controller has been hurled against the wall in the frustration of seeing the ball bounce off the back of your wide receiver.

Well actually, 70 turned Chuck Norris this week
  • JN: I refuse to comment for fear of a roundhouse kick to the face
  • S: Even though he may be 70, he can still kill you with his beard.
  • JP: I wish I could be that crazy and still popular, without being in politics.
  • OKF: In related news, Chuck Norris still tragically Republican.
  • HS: If you squint at the number 70, it kinda looks like Chuck Norris’s foot about to impact someone’s head in a perfect roundhouse kick.
  • C: 70 of our HUMAN years. By stealing life-force via roundhouse kicks, he’s only 32 in Chuck Norris years.
  • Th: At 70, Mr. Norris still kicks ass.

The Oscars were last Sunday, and the Hurt Locker took home the most statues, including Best Director and Best Picture, marking the first time a female director has been awarded those prizes
  • JN: Surprise of the night: “Up” won for best score…LIKE IT SHOULD HAVE.
  • S: Avatar? You mean that wasn’t Dances With Wolves that I saw last week?
  • JP: Surprise of the night part 2: Avatar didn’t win every category, only best documentary.
  • OKF: Surprise of the night, part 3: Star Trek did not win every award.
  • HS: You have to have a story to win the non-technical awards.
  • Tw: I don’t know what Cameron was thinking. He should know better than anyone that Sigourney Weaver isn’t in the business of saving aliens.
  • C: It’s a nightmare come true… Acadamy Award Winner Mo’Nique.
  • Th: Clearly all movies need time-traveling game consoles to win an academy award. Cameron should have just included a small plug for a PSXXIV.

The world’s biggest erector set…er…particle accelerator, is going to be shut down, again.  This time is because of the design of some joints around the magnets or something (i’m never good with sciency stuff).  Fortunately, it will be at the end 2011. Repairs should take almost a year to complete.
  • JN: It could start up again around 12/21/12, oh joy.
  • S: Thank god, doomsday is delayed for at least a few years
  • JP: “That’s great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an aeroplane…”
  • OKF: Doomsday can’t come soon enough for some people, and in this case, I don’t mean the scientists.
  • HS: Oh my god, Becky! Look at her Compact Muon Solenoid. It is so BIG! She looks like one of those physics guys’ girlfriends…
  • Tw: I don’t understand, don’t we have treatments for failed erectors now?
  • Th: I’m starting to lend more and more credit to the “Higgs-Boson will forever hide itself” theory.

In a survey whose results could only be described as, well, obvious, CNET UK found out that essentially no one uses Google’s newest service.
  • S: Twitter for people who don’t know what twitter is.
  • JP: Now no one will know when I dance the Cha-Cha to the Phantom of the Opera music in downtown Boise!
  • OKF: WELL I USE IT SO SUCK IT
  • HS: I used it for 1 day, before I realized I didn’t have the will to keep up with all the conversations happening between my contacts. I call it “Twitteritis”.
  • Tw: Once again Google attempts to create an even more frivolous message board system. If you want dialogue about sharable content, get a forum.
  • C: It’s the low droning noise heard nowhere around the earth!

For the past month or so, OK Go and EMI have been battling it out with each other over the ability to embed the bands music videos on other sites.  This week that came to a head with the band announcing on their website that they are leaving EMI and starting their own record company.
  • JN: Yes, but can they produce their own records….while walking on treadmills?!
  • S: Looks like they’re going to need to find someone else to fund their treadmill fetish.
  • JP: EMI didn’t ask them to leave, they were just repeating the band’s name!
  • HS: They won’t produce their own records. They’ll set up a warehouse-sized Rube Goldberg device to do it for them!
  • C: I love their latest music video, it’s a gigantic machine designed to shoot OK Go in the face!
  • Th: Quick, grab copies of all their discs. They’re collector’s items now!

There has been talk about nominating “the internet” for the Nobel Peace Prize.  Well, now it’s a reality.  Good Ol’ Web Web is among 297 individuals (or concepts even) in the running to receive the coveted medal.
  • JN: That’s going to be one big neck band
  • S: Apparently they forgot about 4chan.
  • JP: “I’ve made a huge mistake…”
  • OKF: Begging the question; why hasn’t the Internet been tried for crimes against humanity?
  • HS: Anyone who’s seen /b/ is now giggling uncontrollably at the thought that they’d share partial credit for a Nobel Peace Prize.
  • Tw: I just keep picturing the 4-Chan smiley face during the acceptance ceremony…
  • C: Just wait til the Nobel people discover 4chan. Heads. Will. Roll.
  • Th: At the same time, it’s been the cause of such terrible disagreements.

Final Fantasy XIII released this week.
This story can best be summed up by saying…Final Fantasy XIII released this week in the United States
  • JN: At least time, you can tell that the lead character is a chick…I think.
  • HS: If you’re playing it on PS3, that is. Apparently the 360 port is so bashed together, it’s like a flashback to the days of CGA resolution. Mmm, 16 beautiful colors…
  • S: Introducing Boy George to a whole new generation since 1990.
  • JP: FF6 is still my favorite.  Yes, I’m one of THOSE people!
  • OKF: And yet some of us would still rather play Baldur’s Gate 2.
  • C: Queue the Weeaboos who imported it from Japan arguing that it was better in Japanese.
  • Th: The reason these comments are so late…

Have your own comments for this week?  That’s what the comment button is for!  Some of the best may be highlighted in next week’s installment.
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1 comment for this entry:
  1. eye-shuh
    April 6th, 2010 on 12:05 pm

    I’m pretty sure Oz is literally the only person on the internet still using Google Buzz.

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