This week’s dive into the mind of a classic gamer brought to you by:
Marble Madness has a special place in my heart. I spent many years attempting to defeat Marble Madness’ six levels, but was never able to complete that task. I would almost always die on the third or fourth level. Recently, I pulled out an emulator version with a rewind key and that mystical magical rewind key gave me the faux-skill needed to finally beat the game. Having completed one of the hardest and yet shortest games on the NES, I have only one thing to say: I have wasted way too many hours of my life on this hell-spawn game.
Remember that special place in my heart I mentioned earlier? Marble Madness sits in the deep, dark recess of a part of my heart that no conscious being would ever dare dwell. This place holds the insane rage of the human id, where the ever so slightest nudge of its constrictive chains will set free a beast of unimaginable horror upon the world. To say that this game and I do not agree would be a vast understatement. The many thrown controllers against TV’s, walls, little sisters, and cabinets can attest to the rage that Marble Madness induces.
The game, for those of you lucky enough to not have experienced its trials of frustration, consists simply of a marble rolling through six levels filled with twists, turns, drops, acid, worms, pistons, and vacuums. After a slight drop of more than a few pixels, your marble cracks and taunts you with what can best be described as a taunting, demon chicken hatchling who laughs at your misfortune as the clock ticks away precious moments of your existence. When time runs out, your game – along with your sanity – is over and you must rebuild your entire being once again from the ashes of your shattered soul. Trial after trial, you will strive to improve your marble rolling skills, but with one bad turn in one bad place, you will just repeat your mistakes over and over again till your red in the face, you can’t think straight and your controller has been ripped from the system, like an appendage from its master, and thrown across the room, as your mother tells you that you are done playing the system for a while and need to go outside and play. NO MOM, I NEED TO BEAT THE THIRD LEVEL!
Sorry, I got a little caught up there. Where was I? Oh yeah. The game is unique, and the level design is creative. The difficulty level is high, as I may have mentioned, so replayability is an absolute given. Being only six levels long gives the super-skilled gamer the opportunity to complete the game without becoming bored. Once you get past the soul crushing frustration of the game, Marble Madness is a quality game in which I recommend everyone* should play. Do not play this so-called game, as it will drive you to a state of madness unseen by human beings since the dawn of mankind. Milton Bradley and Rare should be ashamed of their anger inducing game.
*Everyone of whom I hate with a passion that burns within the fiery depths of my crazed heart.