Epic Default Productions

2008 is almost over. I feel sad saying that, but my wallet is no longer trying to murder me in my sleep with a shoestring. This year we’ve seen the release of a new GTA, Halo, Gears of War and some entirely original stuff. We have seen the Wii crush everything in it’s path, and seen Sony slowly drown in a bucket of it’s own urine and vomit. But what will become my choice for the Epic Default 10? Hit the jump to see my candidates.

The best game that everyone seems to love, but I can’t understand why: Call of Duty: World at War (Activision/Treyarch)

For some reason, everyone I know is obsessing over this game, and I don’t understand the big fuss about it. Seriously, it’s not a bad game, but EVERYONE of my friends think it is the greatest thing since sliced bread. The campaign is decent, but the multiplayer is the exact same thing as COD4, albeit with different guns. I would recommend renting this, but it’s really not worth spending 60 dollars on.

The Best Reason to Never Leave Your Chair: Netflix for Xbox 360

I have wasted so much time with this damn feature, it’s not even funny. I no longer have a reason to leave my chair anymore, and my living room is now my second bedroom. I have seen probably close to over 200 hours of TV, and 150 hours of movies on this damn thing. I can seriously imagine this kind of thing being the way of the future. Screw DVDs, just buy a movie and stick it on your Xbox/Ps3/Wii/Whathaveyou.

The Meme That is the Most Dead to Me: Rick Rolling (Rick Astley/RCA)

This used to be something funny. Something to laugh at when your friends would curse and pound their fists on the desk. But recently, the Rick Rolling phenomenon has sky-rocketed, and it’s just not funny any more. Hell, my physics teacher rick rolled me. And so did my principal. And my sister. It’s just not funny now that everyone does it. It used to be something that was a rarity, something that would make you cautious of the links you clicked on. Not something that people would just play for the lulz.
You are dead to me Rick.

Best Use of Hypocrisy in a Video Game: Mirror’s Edge (Dice/EA)

I understand the need for a video game to stand out. Some game developers honestly think that the world does not need any more space marines shooting an invading alien force on another planet. And then there is EA. They do it for profit, and try to pass it off as “Totally new and original!” Sometimes they hit it right, like with Dead Space, and others are a complete miss (like Medal of Honor). With Mirrors Edge, they are barely making middle ground. In Mirrors Edge, the entire game they tell you “Oh, don’t fight him, as long as you keep running, you’ll never have to even look at him!” But about half-way through the game, the soldiers buff up on steroids, and can shoot a soda can a mile away…THROUGH A WALL. And then you don’t have a choice, because no amount of speed can get you through this bullshit, so you resort to guns. The one thing they tell you NOT to do. But seriously, when a 200 pound dude wielding a heavy machine-gun charges at me, you really don’t expect me to try and run faster than the bullet, right? Right?!

Best Game Studio at Delaying Games: Lionhead Studios

Okay, I reeeaaally don’t want to spiral into a rant, so I just have a few choice words for Peter Molyneux: Shut the fuck up already!

Best Epic Default Poster Under the Age of 18: Snifit

Hell, I deserve an award for all the time and effort I’ve put into this post…Oh, wait…

Biggest Threat to Humanity: Large Hadron collider

Jonny already posted about this but I think it needs to be mentioned again. This thing scares me, mostly because I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen when this baby gets fired up. My guess? It will be like that scene in Independence Day when the aliens blow up the White house. But with the entire WORLD. Please, I beg of you, I don’t want to become some form of anti-matter D:

Best Community Manager that Isn’t a Community Manager: Major Nelson

Seriously, what’s not to like about this guy? I met him for a brief time at PAX, and he exceeded my expectations in knowledge of the industry/community. He has a pod cast now, and he’s slowly gaining popularity. But his job isn’t as a community manager, oh no, it’s as Director of Programming for Xbox Live. Keep on chugging Major.

Worst Controversy Caused by a Bare Assed-Alien in a Video Game: Mass Effect/Fox News

Our good old friends at Fox News just love a controversy, especially when it’s one relating to video games AND sex. This all started over a 30-second cutscene in the Xbox 360 game Mass Effect. In the game, you had the ability to follow a semi-side mission that resulted in you getting laid by one of the crew members of the ship. Fox claimed it was “Full Digital Nudity and sex” that “left nothing to the imagination.” Players could engage in “Full graphic sex.” These statements are completely false, as the scene in question was 30-60 seconds in length, with a bare ass as the worst part of the entire scene. Really Fox. Really?

Best Example of Karma Award: Jack Thompson.

The bastard is gone! We’re free! We no longer have to hear about Grand Theft Auto causing various school shootings! Don’t worry, he’s gone. You can sleep peacefully now.

Biggest Douchebag Move in the History of Epic Default: Jonny Nero’s Epic Default 10.

Fuck you Jonny. You made me lose the game. I hope you are pleased with yourself.

Well, that’s all for now, stay tuned for more post from some of the other writers of Epic Default. Adios!
~Snifit